Delboy1969's Blog

Oh My Fool Life

26 May 2012 1 Comment

by delboy1969 in General Blog

Tonight I feel a bit jaded and weary of the world.  So much for the alcohol hiatus.  As is usual post-work Saturday, the desire for drink raged through my system.  It was a tough day at work.  I prided myself on completely completing my round in just over four hours bar a few singular water bills.  I think people are better off getting bad news on a Monday!  Quite an accolade when you are a pretty useless bicycle postman.  Thankfully back into my comfort zone next week and in a van.  Although the powers that be at Royal Mail have deemed it fit to change the rounds I’m covering.  Some training is needed and I been summoned in on me day off!  Bit of easy money as I scribble notes and try and memorize where I am actually going!

Bit of a crisis here.  I cannot for the life of me find my sun cream.  This is typical of what happens when I tidy up.  I mean it lay on the floor in the hall for ages and I knew exactly where it was!  No I cannot find it for love nor money!  Luckily I am sporting a rather nifty tan but much longer in the sun with no protection and I will frazzled.  I got home, cracked open a San Miguel and proceeded to watch the Eastenders omnibus.  I like the fact the BBC in their wisdom decided it should be shown late Friday night/early Saturday morning.  This means I can tape it onto the BT Vision box hard drive and watch it when I blooming well please over the weekend.

Well that was a hoot watching Ian Beale descend into madness.  I mean a hoot from a purely TV escapism point of view.  Mental health is no laughing matter as I well know having been more a dabbler than a fan.  But there was something wonderfully hilarious viewing Beale wandering down what looked like theNorth Circular Roadin his dressing gown bare foot.

This got me thinking he must be a heck of a good walker.  Moments before he was encased in that bubble known asAlbert Square.  His daughter only left for a few seconds to shriek to anyone who could be bothered to listen.  Moments later Beale was seemingly miles away!  Looking more confused than me when watching Cambridge United (which I never do barefoot btw).  Please don’t inform me Eastenders isn’t real.  Oh hang on it is.  Need to get out more I know.

So for the first time in an age I scrolled down all the comments on Facebook since I last logged in during the wee small hours before work to play some scrabble moves.  Christ on a bike how many do I need to read about the weather?  People you watch the news too much.  I freaked out.  Shit I thought it was raining.  Now all these folk are telling me it’s hot and sunny.  One check on the tan and they must be right.  Thanks for stating the bleeding obvious people.  You need to get out more than me and that’s flipping saying something.  And I don’t care for pictures of barbeques or chilled white wine.  I know what they look like already!

On me way home from work, I decided to pop into Tesco.  I envisaged a nice cold lunch – pork pie and coleslaw I fancied.  The former no problem… the latter… sold bloody out!  Then I noticed a lot of the shelves were empty.  For crying out surely they saw the weather forecast and is it not unreasonable to think people might like items like coleslaw and ice?  I don’t think it’s too much to expect to be able to meander into your local supermarket at 14-30 on a Saturday and purchase coleslaw and ice… evidently it is.   Pork pies were nice though. I was forced to consume with potato salad which just didn’t quite cut the mustard like I intended.

Dilemma on the telly tonight.  Engerland or Eurovision?  Should I just watch the either of the evils and comment on Facebook or do something more constructive?  All depends on my alcohol intake I suppose.  I have half a bottle of rum waiting in the wings.  Not had a good commenting session on Facebook for a while.  As forEngland; I really don’t care.  I do like the humdrum background noise of a football match when pissing about on the net.  Even ITV’s ridiculously bad commentary.  Shame on whoever let them near a football match in the first place.  Pretty meaningless friendly againstNorwayif truth be told.

As for Eurovision… well we had to drag Englebert Humperdinck out of his coffin as the 2012 entry.  I mean Blue – younger with less wrinkles – failed so miserably last year even those lovable Irish pop scamps Jedward beat them.  Speaking of whom they are competing again – suckers for punishment… no publicity.  I admire the way they still hog the limelight despite dwindling record sales.  Not heard their effort admittedly.  I’m veering towards Eurovision as I type but not sure I can handle Graham Norton’s terrible commentary.  Maybe do a link up with the far superior Ken Bruce on Radio 2 and keep the sound down.  Silly little man (Norton not Bruce).  Why on earth does he keep getting work from the BBC?

Best bit of Eurovision is the scoring anyways but I feel I should at least take the bother to hear the tunes on showcase.  Old coffin dodger Humperdinck (what a bloody stupid name!) really has little hope.  Not cos he’s crap but because he is representing these fair shores.  It’s all political now in any case.  They should get a talent (or lack of talent… any bugger who can hold a note) show type panel to decide the outcome.  The scoring remains the best bit even if it does go on for an age.

At the moment I am embracing myself in some favourite albums from the 90’s.  And for a change listening to the album from start to finish.  My Bloody Valentine, Compulsion and now Ride (Jesus Jones next!).  I got a reality check when I was informed ‘Going Blank Again’ was released 20 years ago.  90’s music hasn’t aged nearly as bad as 80’s.  Thank god those awful tinny production methods were bunged out the window before they caught on long-term.

I think the 90’s moulded music into what it is now.  Certainly the albums I am listening to haven’t dated anything like my favourite records from the 80’s bar The Smiths, The Fall (who are commodity to themselves) and at a push New Order.

As usual this kind of crap decision – Eurovision or Engerland is top of my agenda for a Saturday night.  Wish I had a date or a radio show to do!  Anything to break the monotony of my humdrum existence!  Oh well tonight I feel quite happy in my little bubble.  More cider please!

And good luck Mr Humperdinck… and Jedward…

Looking For A Way In

21 May 2012 Leave a Comment

by delboy1969 in General Blog

Crikey time is whizzing by at the moment.  Start of another exciting week in humdrum world of Del.

It is the eve of my 43^rd birthday.  I feel like shit.  Too many excesses over the weekend.  Having a glass of red though, just a couple, need to save meself for the big day!  A warm-up for more drunken shenanigans tomorrow.  Well you’re only 43 once!  Off to the Cambridge Beer Festival for some lunchtime drinking.  Expect Facebook photos a plenty as have a new digital camera I want to try out.  Think it will be a good idea to drink halves so as I can sample the wondrous delights of various ales.  After that will officially be on alcohol hiatus for a bit whilst I work off the spare tyre I’ve recently gained.

Speaking of Facebook; no doubt my account will be spammed full of birthday greetings.  As usual I will not respond to a single one.  I find the practise a little lame if truth be told.  It doesn’t annoy me to the same levels as when Paul Gambaccini pops up paying tribute to a recently deceased singer (yep he’s stuck in his zero pence worth on both Donna Summer and Robin Gibb!).  I just find it mildly irritating.  And in a world where I get majorly irritated all the time on a number of issues, it really doesn’t bother me that much.  Do send birthday greetings if you so desire… just don’t expect an acknowledgement!  Lord knows what kind of state I’ll be in when I log into Facebook tomorrow anyways.  Maybe I might mellow and feel the love…

Age doesn’t bother me anymore.  I stopped caring once I hit 25.  In my mind I am still 25 plus a wee bit of VAT.  No point moaning as nothing you can do but ‘keep calm and carry on’.  As I age I notice more and more wrinkles appear but in no way am vain.  Honestly!  It’s just one notices such things when shaving!  I’ve stopped fearing for the future and thinking too deeply about the past.

My body is in need of some serious detox.  Really felt it today when back on postal duties on a pushbike.  Thank the lord I do have such a physical job!  Deffo been too much booze passing my lips at weekends followed by too much lard.  I feel a bit under the weather tonight and the glass of red I’m currently consuming is purely for medicinal purposes.  An early night beckons and hopefully I can get a good night sleep and feel refreshed tomorrow.  I cannot remember the last time I sipped a glass so slowly!

The weather is set to improve at last so fingers crossed a nice afternoon sipping wacky ales steeped in pleasant surrounding awaits.  I do like trips to my home city.  With the football season finished not going back so much at the moment.  Season ticket has been ordered.  For now will have to enjoy the footy fest of the Euros and the Olympics.

Speaking of which way too much fuss is being made.  However I am going to one Olympic event – a double header in the football at Coventry City’s ground.  Since the chances are I shall be swamped in that interest free place in the sky when it next comes to these shores (either that or so old I don’t what day it is let alone being able to make it to an event!), I thought I ought to make the effort and attend something!

But my word ‘The One Show’ dedicated their whole Friday edition to the Olympic flame arriving.  Good to see we had our best people on the job…. Lord Coe, Princess Anne, David Beckham and Boris bloody Johnson.  No wonder the world secretly laughs at us.  I can foresee me going into a series of blogging rants.  It’s been building a while.  I have been reading a lot of Jeremy Clarkson.  Now there is a man who knows how to rant and mostly speaks the truth!

So I’m about to enter my 43^rd year in reasonably decent spirits.  Am writing a bit more which is good.  Another glass of red before sweet dreams of Cambridge United returning to the promised land of league football.  And praying another famous singer doesn’t die so that cretin Gambaccini pays useless tribute.  Who on earth is going to pay tribute to him when it’s his time?  He’s probably already pre-recorded his own words of wisdom….

Nowhere Fast

16 May 2012 Leave a Comment

by delboy1969 in General Blog

Another one of those efforts which is somewhat forced in a haven’t written enough recently kind of way.  Hey ho am determined to blog more even if I do witter on about my uneventful and at times boring existence.  I am entering a creative phase though.  A heap of ideas a bursting to get out.  Been moving things around HQ living room (decluttering going rather well at the moment!) and tinkering with some musical ideas for the first time since late last summer.  Might even start the writing course I signed up for in February but has stayed completely untouched since arriving.  I’m bloody well paying for it so really should stop crapping and get cracking!

I purchased a compilation of Smiths stuff last week purely to blare out in the motor when trudging to work.  I’d forgotten just how good they are.  Been a while since I had a major Smiths phase.  I was driving home one day when an imaginary light bulb scorched above me head and that was that.  Really don’t have enough Smiths on CD and concluded it would be spiffing to have a nice sparkly compilation to play in the car.  That is what I love about working – I want something (within reason price wise and not too often!) I can just go online and grab it.

Songs now pushing nigh on 30 years old still grip me like steel and take me in places no other band or artist ever could.  The Smiths and Morrissey in particular is one of those acts you either get or you don’t.  For sure his lonely forlorn lyrics of despair always strike a chord.  He could never have done it without the rest of the band.  Good as it is the solo stuff never quite cut the same mustard.

As you get older you find yourself with a clutch of artists you always go back to every now and then.  On my list (apart from The Smiths/Morrissey of course) are The Fall, The Stones, Bruce Springsteen, New Order, Spiritualized, The Stone Roses, Public Image Limited (new album on the way soon!) and Status Quo to name but a few.  Each has its own place and stirs up their own emotions.  The Smiths always get right into my heart though more than any other act ever have or ever probably will.  “How Soon Is Now” will be played at my funeral…. The 12” not the crappy single version which scaled the heady heights of number 24 in the hit parade back in 1985.

“You shut your mouth,

How can you say?

I go about things the wrong way

I am human and I need to be loved

Just like everybody else does”

I always admired the way they never played the game.  One off singles and a memorable awkwardness dodging the media.  The music speaks for itself.  Admittedly the compilation I purchased was a bit of a cash in and a clever one at that.  “Sound Of The Smiths” (re-mastered by non other than Mr Marr himself!) possesses some extremely hard to get hold of tracks alongside album tracks, b sides (ah them were the days!) plus all the hits the family knows, loves and sings along to at the local karaoke.  Really nicely balanced and well-thought out.

Another band you can add to the list is Cornerhop.  Remember them?  A number one in 1998 thanks to Fatboy Slim doing some remix work and a couple of minor hits no-one ever remembers.  Low and behold their new album the brilliantly titled “Urban Turban” arrived today.  They always could come up with a cracking title could the shop!  Even from the start… “Elvis Sex Change” anyone?

As a massive fan of the group since their humble sonic ramshackle lo-fi Indie beginnings back in the early 90’s, it becomes an irritant that ‘Brimful Of Asha’ is the only song people ever know apart from us select few.  Classic case of the one-hit wonder but there is so much more scope to their work.  Mind you I’m the same with other artists but I wish Cornershop got more success.  Don’t think they’re particularly bothered though.  I suspect they like being slightly niche in their own hole.

Their sound has evolved from tuneless load guitars to funking grooves, there is a fascinating body of work spread over 8 albums.  Yes 8 albums not one frigging song!  9 if you include the side project album byClintonwhich was essentially a Cornershop album in all but name.  Lord knows how they manage to keep going but I for one am glad they do.

The new album hasn’t instantly blown me away but is a pleasing enough listen.  Sometimes it takes a while for a record to grow and I never completely judge an album until at least five or six plays.  Actually on play number five it is indeed getting better and better.  A quite chilled laid back affair with plentiful grooves, suiting my mood right now perfectly.  Play number six and it is blossoming into a record of orgasmic proportion.

Tomorrow Started

13 May 2012 Leave a Comment

by delboy1969 in General Blog

Oh well still took me a week to follow up last Sunday’s effort.  Been an extremely taxing week at work; stuck on a walking round with evenings swamped in waves of complete exhaustion and Football Manager.  My feet are only just beginning to recover.  It was with relief I was back out in my spiritual home yesterday – a battered Royal Mail van – which after a week of sore feet I found considerably easier!

Sometimes this gig gets right in the way of what I actually want to do in life but not complaining about the pennies rolling in well apart from wage deductions which grind my gears every payday guaranteed.  No point in dwelling on the issue as not a darn thing I can do about it.  Then I remember nowadays I meander round supermarkets without a care in the world (within reason not quite at Lord Sugar financial levels just yet!) and think back to those dark, long, lonely, skint, desolate days on the dole.

Of course as is often the case in life you find yourself swamped in a ‘Catch 22’ situation.  Now I work I can afford to live but creativity has stifled somewhat.  When I wasn’t working I couldn’t afford to live and found myself with too much time on my hands.  I just knew I should have written a book or two when I had the chance!  Things are going to change round here soon.  The walking round has given me some valuable time to think.

I was delivering to a quiet housing estate.  The type full of dull boring uninspired couples with a couple of kids and pets who deep down hate each but know no better.  I did blast some old radio shows out through me MP3 player but I actually preferred the silence save the odd vehicle and background drone from RAF Mildenhall.  By jove I’ve been doing a lot of walking.  My little old legs and feet are not used to this!  But I absolutely love it despite the appalling weather this part of theUKcontinues to suffer.  As I always say, no-one lives in this wretched country for the climate!

I’ve really not been utilising my time correctly.  After giving the matter much thought I’ve decided that once my 43^rd birthday celebrations are trundled into the history of my time span in a couple of weeks; there is nothing else for it but an extended alcohol hiatus is on the cards.

Since descending back into the work place last October I’ve simply got into the habit of weekend binge drinking most weekends and suffering the knock-on effects.  Sundays have been lost in a haze of rubbish television and binge eating.  Yesterday I finally plucked up the courage to stand on the scales.  Just as well I do a job which requires extreme physical exercise.  The damage wasn’t too bad – put on just under a stone since Christmas – but enough to prompt me back into healthy living action.

Everything I shouldn’t do or eat I’ve been doing these past few months.  Foodstuffs crammed with high saturated fat content, eating late at night and simply eating way too much.  Thank god I do have my job which a stopped a slide that could have resulted in a gain of two or three stone!  This past month I’ve felt the odd twinges of a ‘spare tyre’ gained.

As anyone with weight problems will inform you, it’s the getting started which is the tricky bit.  Also when you descend into those bad habits which caused the weight gain in the first place it can be very difficult to stop.  I’ve already done the odd day here and there with better eating and boy its amazing how better I feel.  The vast amount of exercise I do keeps my mind and body active but simply put if I continue to eat at this rate; another stone could be gained before I know what’s hit me.

It’s not bothering me though as the solution to the problem is staring me in the face.  It’s just the action required which can be difficult.  I despise uncomfortable feelings and have become weary of swamping myself in havens of booze and food consumption binging.  I’ve become bored of so many things in life and am toasting to what will become a different way of life.  Life is for living not existing.  Onwards and upwards to attain some goals and restore some dignity in my humble existence.

Dream Time

06 May 2012 Leave a Comment

by delboy1969 in General Blog

What a barren year for blogging so far!  On peaking into my writing folder this is just effort number seven of 2012.  Absolutely pathetic!  I can hide behind the fact I graft for a living these days.  The reality remains it really does only take an hour or so of my time to write some words of wisdom.  It’s not like I work 24/7.

The working thing is merely an excuse I feel.  I reckon I might have a touch of the old writers block.  Nah I just got out the habit.  Same with healthy living.  If I wasn’t exercising so much via my job I would easily have put on a lot of weight recently.  The scales have been untouched and unloved for months now.  Yet due to physical nature of my employment I do feel I have put on no more than a couple of kilos recently.

However the fact I’ve been chucking all manner of crap arse foodstuffs down my throat has been having a detrimental effect on my persona.  Bad foods bring foul moods.  Much as I enjoy the quaffing psychologically I think it had quite an effect.  There is quite simply only a certain amount of high sat fat grub one can handle.  Finally this week I went back to being just a tad more sensible with what I eat.  Amazing the difference I feel inside already.

I’ve been stuck on a walking round which after the excesses of my recent holiday is a super thing.  The feet and legs are having a bit of difficulty coping mind.  Weather not helping either but the last couple of days have been relatively rain free.  I will not hear another word on the bloody drought.  Anglian Water are still bleating on about low water levels.  Wouldn’t surprise me if they came out with a line similar to the railways a few years ago and suggested this is the wrong type of rain!  When one resides in a second floor housing association bachelor pad, hosepipe bans mean jack shit to me.

As most postmen (or women!) will tell you; one of the most frustrating aspects of the early starts is when it comes to your day off you inevitably end up awakening early.  I was absolutely shattered when I nodded off to the dulcet sounds of Talksport still gibbering on about the FA Cup final (which will continue for at least another three days across all shows).  I was convinced I would sleep through till 9 or 10; have a proper lie in.

But no… just before 6 was wide awake and bushy tailed.  Bah bloody humbug.  I love early morning though.  There’s something magical within.  Then I start getting restless so there is nothing else to do but thrust out of bed, construct copulas coffee fixes, wolf down a hearty breakfast and start farting about on the computer.  It’s a lovely feeling possessing no Sunday hangover.  I should do this more often!  Going off drink if truth be told.  Well binge drinking which has been doing me no good at all recently.  Another thing no good for healthy living.  With the limited time I do have to myself, it has become rather a waste to spend Saturday night getting hammered then Sunday sporting a raging hangover.  Before I know it, it’s Monday morning and I’m back at work!  Although no work tomorrow this week due to the bank holiday (Hurrah!).

That was a repetitive cycle I’d got myself firmly stuck into since delving back into the heady cauldron of working for a living last October.  And you know what the weekends I don’t do it, I feel so much better and get so much more done.  This blog is proof in the pudding of that!  Although admittedly this is one of those efforts where the words just flow with no rhyme of reason.  Random blogging I think I will phrase it.

I am going a Sunday lunchtime binge drink session with my mum today mind.  No in reality I am taking my mother out for a bite to eat and a few leisurely beverages of the alcoholic type.  Then I will come home and instead of drinking myself into a coma will sober up and do something creative.  I’ve been gagging to make some music again.  It’s like a drug.  Been an age since I last put some new tracks together.  I have a microphone now so can warble some out of tune bitter and twisted poetry on top of pulsating electronic beats.  Working title ‘Hate Songs’.  Morrissey would be proud.  Actually he probably wouldn’t the ignorant Mancunian git.  Too busy tending to his daffodils no doubt!

At least I’m not wasting most my life on Facebook as I often used to do.  I’ve never been as bored with the concept as I am currently.  It’s great to dip into every day when used for a meaningful purpose such as a private messaging, keeping up to date with a subscribed or scrabble move.  As for the rest it’s the same old repetitive junk.  People posting snaps of their dinner (nom nom nom??? Do me a bloody favour and get a life!), people harping on about looking forward to Friday’s or the weekend (think of the bloody postman who have to get up the crack of dawn Saturday morn to deliver your bloody mail!) and my current pet hate – those quote ones with supposed meaning written by people I’ve never heard of.  You know the ones presented in boxes.  Beyond irritating.

There’s always some flash in the pan phenomena present on Facebook.  I remember ranting about the location thingy about a year ago.  Hardly anyone does location updates nowadays.  Although admittedly to be ironic I usually post a location update from the home of toilet football – The Abbey Stadium – it’s the best I can do I’m afraid.  Won’t happen for a while since the football season for me has firmly closed.

It’s not been a great creative period recently.  I remain fiercely determined to put things right.  Less alcohol, less lard, more thoughts from the mind is my new motto.  I need to follow this blog up with another one quickly and not leave it two plus weeks.  That’s the trick I think.  I write some random words then don’t follow it up! Dur what a pilchard I can be!  Story of my life!

Hey life is too short to beat oneself up on such issues.  The walking – as healthy as it is – is taking its toll (aching bones and blisters aplenty!).  The less I fart about on the internet on irrelevant social networking sites and message boards, the more I want to do other things.  Still addicted to football bloody manager though.  Some things will never change!

Something Is Squeezing My Skull

09 Apr 2012 Leave a Comment

by delboy1969 in General Blog

Easter…. Another pointless exercise for companies to get us to part with hard-earned cash.  I often wonder what happens to the piles of unsold Easter eggs when they have outlived their usefulness.  Send them to some war-torn savaged African country as a treat?  The amount of waste the Western world throws away appals me but what can we do?  It must be ruddy hard to predict just how many of the damn things are going to be sold.

I’m consoling myself in a haze of all things Morrissey at the moment.  During time of crisis the Mancunian quiff master always helps immensely.  Not that I have any particular crisis going on right now!  Sure he moans a bit – well a lot – but his soothing overtones of complaint are just what is needed right now as I relax on a dreary Easter Monday morning.  I could quite happily stay in and veg out all day but for reasons I cannot explain I am trudging off to watch Cambridge United this afternoon.

One saving grace is it is only going to cost me a fiver to attend due to an incentive by the powers that be at United HQ to get a few extra bods through the turnstiles this bank holiday Monday.  The season has descended into one of nothingness.  Annoying as pre-Christmas we were doing pretty well.  Over achieving if truth be told.  Then as usual in world of CUFC post yuletide injuries hit us hard and form went out the window.  The play-offs now a distant memory, our FA Trophy dream shattered by some rubbish team two leagues below and now we find ourselves going through the motions regarding our last few games of the season.

This afternoon’s opponents Kettering Town – a rival of sorts – have already been relegated so nothing to play for except pride.  An added incentive is their new chairman George Rolls used to be United’s chairman and a controversial one at that so would be nice to get one over on them but in the general scheme of things it really is a nothing match.  Still going anyways such is my commitment to my beloved football team!  Sometimes I really wish I could apply such dedication in other avenues of my life!

Last week was a very tough week.  I found cycling for Royal Mail a much harder task then predicted.  The round I am on is nothing short of horrendous but as so often in life you have to take the rough with the smooth.  I still love me job but for the first time I’ve found meself getting a wee bit stressed.  Not used to such a workload.  Being a postman is at times a little harder than you would imagine.  Hope the weather holds out this week and darn glad I am not working today as the weather is quite simply terrible!  And to think the week before last the sun was blazing and I sported shorts, shades and me Royal Mail baseball cap! That’s the nature of working outdoors.  You still cannot beat it though and at the end of the day it is still a job which offers much freedom when you’re out and about.

Then on Friday I helped my friend move.  Actually the moving part was fine; it was the clearing of rubbish out the garden which caused much stress!  Four trips to the recycling centre.  I was half expecting to find decomposed bodies in amongst all the mess.  Still we got the job done eventually but if truth be told could have done without doing an extra days work on top of an incredibly taxing week at my paid job.

Never mind it’s done now and I was happy to help out a friend in need.  Glad I am looking back on the whole thing though!  Actually it was a lot of fun; we had a right laugh and got the job done eventually.  It’s a nice feeling helping out others in need and what being a friend is about.  This week I vow to be more creative but don’t I always say that???  One just has to keep calm and carry on… it’s all we can do.

Panic

02 Apr 2012 Leave a Comment

by delboy1969 in General Blog

Last Friday, I was subjected to yet another example of how stupid people can be.  The government – in a haze of stunning intellect – told us to ‘top up’ our vehicles just in case them poor hard working over 40k a year tanker drivers went on strike over the forthcoming Easter weekend.  I’m sure the sentiment was meant in a well-meaning manner but in typical great British public fashion, the idiots literally took the words of dangerous Dave and accordingly topped up running many petrol stations dry.

Ok I have to hold my hands up here.  I rather dim-wittingly let the car run critically dry.  Once my day’s driving the highways of the International Republic of East Anglia was almost complete it was time to fill her up.  9 O Clock in the evening and some 40 plus miles from HQ, I knew there was barely enough fuel to make it home.  What I didn’t expect was to go to five garages all of whom had sold out of petrol.  The warning light came on earlier than expected and I simply have no idea how many miles the machine can do once said light explodes into action.

I may have made it home, I may not.  Thankfully there were two pumps operating at a Tesco store in Newmarket.  That’s two pumps out of twelve so one could conclude it was only a matter of time before these ran dry.  As I waited nervously in the queue with four cars in front, all sorts of things started to whizz through my mind.  I had visions of arriving at the pump only for them both to run out then pleading with a motorist to siphon at least enough petrol to make it to the next garage some 15 miles away.  As it happened there was seemingly plenty of fuel there when I passed.

And all the cars in front of me were indeed topping up.  No-one was ridiculously as low as me.  What cretins listening to the very words of a government who couldn’t run a bath or organize a piss up in brewery.  Same as Christmas when folk buy 100 loaves of bread because most the shops close for – gasp – just the one day.

This is the kind of typical self-obsessed behaviour I have come to expect in the modern age and it makes me blood boil.  So in the end there are no strikes forthcoming and this topping up malarkey was just a big old pile of steaming bullshit.  What a surprise eh?  Meanwhile yours truly was forced to drive about – palms sweating and fuelled with a deepest shade of unnecessary paranoia – thanks to the carelessness of others.

The older I get, the more I despair at society.  Life never used to be this complicated.  I’m not suggesting it was better – far from it – but at least we didn’t spend our lives grappling with machines; something I find myself doing more and more with each passing day.

I shall end up doing a Basil Fawlty and take a tree branch and give something a damn good thrashing at this rate…. or my head might just eventually explode.